random mind dump

June 2nd! Eeeh! That’s right, Venture Bros, Season V. I will totally be there. But don’t spoil me EST … that shit gets you added to The List.

Social Awkwardness 101: The way to completely turn yourself into a giant social suckhole is to never give anyone else a chance to speak. Just blather on about whatever your favorite topic is and make sure to turn every conversation in your direction. And whenever someone shows disinterest in your conversation of choice, raise your voice and stare them directly in the eye; you gotta get that ol’ point across.

Seriously dude, the best way to ruin any kind of fun is to make like one of those awful sad-eyed puppies commercials. People are laughing and having a great time, then there you are bursting on the scene and thinking everyone is focused on you. They’re not.

Life is not a movie. You are not the center of anyone’s world but your own. Sure, it’s disappointing the first time you realize that you’re not that important. But it’s probably for the good.

Nobody but people in your close circle are there to celebrate your victories, which sucks. But when you end up doing something completely crazy that you will spend the rest of your life covering up, nobody but the people in your close circle will care. Embarrassing as all get out; also bearable.

** I brought this up because I am incredibly aggravated. This guy keeps walking in on every conversation I’m having–and I’m perfectly willing to let him hang out–but he has this awful habit of trying to monopolize the conversation. This is a direct quote: “I know you don’t like those kind of shows, but…” blah, blah, 90-minutes of him talking about a TV show he knows I dislike.

I feel bad because I don’t want to be mean (which means not saying anything to his face) but it’s really annoying.

– I like Jamie Foxx in movies. I just like him a little less when he goes sans facial hair. His face looks naked; it needs a goatee or a hat on his upper lip. I’m not a scientist.

– What is the deal with putting the au jus or whatever right on the burger? That shit pisses me right off.

They put together this absolutely beautiful hamburger with lettuce, tomato, pickles; just absolutely a joy to behold. There’s hot, golden french fries to go with the burger, maybe a sprig of parsley, I don’t know. Then, right before they bring it to you, someone lifts the top bun and scoops a ladle of au jus over everything, plops the bun back down, and bon appetit. How are you supposed to eat that? Why would they even do that?


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